Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year's resolutions I'd like to see

If the Sony Ericsson players are smart, then they know better than to make New Year's resolutions. But if they're going to make them, here are the ones I wish they would make:

Maria Sharapova: "I will be treated by a whole new team of doctors, some of whom will actually know how to look at x-rays."

Jelena Jankovic: "I will shut up about being number 1 and just win a major (I promise, however, not to shut up about anything else)."

Patty Schnyder: "I will seek the services of a hypnotherapist ten years ago--wait--now--I'll do it right now..."

Laura Robson: "I will ignore all the stupid adults who tell me to be careful what I say."

Ana Ivanovic: "I will stop striking child porn poses for magazines and websites."

Daniela Hantuchova: "I'll take the appointment right after Patty's, thank you."

Venus Williams: "Despite what my sister says, I won't be around forever, and I will increase--not shy away from--my feminist activism on the tour so others will learn to emulate me."

Anna Chakvetadze: "I will consider the possibility that I really was traumatized by the break-in and attack."

Serena Williams: "I will not sulk for more than a few moments when I lose."

Svetlana Kuznetsova: "Are Patty and Dani out of there yet?"

Lindsay Davenport: "I will use the "r" word.

Elena Dementieva: "I will learn why people think freedom of the press is a big deal."

Dinara Safina: "I will not play myself into the ground and burn out."

Olga Govortsova: "I will find Edina and make her my doubles partner again."

Marion Bartoli: "I will get a new coach."

Agnieszka Radwanska: "I will volley, just for the hell of it."

Elena Gallovits: "Where's Olga?"

Sabine Lisicki: "I will learn to think and hit the ball at the same time."

Tamira Paszek: "I will find some kind of consistency in training and coaching."

Flavia Pennetta: "I will believe."

Vera Zvonareva: "What Flavia said."


Vicki said...

I would love to see Lindsay use the R word sometime this year. I will miss her when she's gone but she has a great career as a commentator ahead of her if she wants it or she could be a full time stay home mum.

Todd Spiker said...

Bethanie Mattek: "I'll continue to make everyone, including myself, wonder why I didn't give substance equal footing with style years ago." ;)

Nina said...

Great list:-) I wonder what Elena said about freedom of the press?

Marija said...

Great list. Of course, I like the Jelena Jankovic one the most, especially the "I promise, however, not to shut up about anything else" part.

Diane said...

Vicki, I never thought I would say this, but I'll be glad to see Lindsay go. She has gotten on my nerves in the last couple of years. I would just as soon not have her as a commentator, either, but we could have worse.

Nice addition, Todd. I welcome additions!

Nina, Dementieva is a passionate supporter of and apologist for Putin.

Marija, I doubt if Jelena will be tempted to shut up about anything!