Shopping for Sloane

I was in my local Target today and decided to do some (fantasy) shopping for Sloane Stephens' upcoming birthday. She doesn't turn 21 until Thursday, but her big party takes place today.

First, though, let me say that I cannot be believe how critical people have become over Stephens' birthday gift registration at Target. Target, of course, has no such thing as a birthday registry, so Stephens used the wedding registry and put her mother's name down as the other person involved. "I was going to marry myself," she said, "but I couldn't put my same name. I ended up having to put my mom's."

Her mother announced to friends, "Dear Everyone, Sloane has married me on Target....She's very strange. Known her since she was little. Just buy her a gift."

First, I can't stop laughing about this. Sloane and her mother have kind of made my weekend (Indian Wells is pretty good, too, but more on that at another time.) I also have some empathy with Stephens. When I think back on all the stupid, useless, not-even-remotely-my-taste "gifts" I've received over the years, I tend to think that Sloane might be on to something. People say "But it's the thought that counts." Sorry, but the "thought" needs to include some reasonable idea about who is receiving the gift and that person's tastes and desires. If not, well--that isn't thinking at all.

Would I do a gift registry? No, but I'm not 20 years old, either.

Anyway, I assumed that Sloane got everything that was on her list, but since I was in Target, I couldn't resist "selecting" some items I thought she'd want in addition to those on her gift registry:

For when she hangs out with Genie and the gang:

For those karaoke sessions:

 

For when she snacks with Serena:

For after she does that foot bath, a bottle of Nicole by OPI Be Awesome!

 Don't show Coach Annacone!:

Because Dr. Seuss says it best:

 

And, you know, because she's Sloane:

So here's wishing a happy upcoming birthday to Sloane. As she said after her quarterfinal loss to Flavia Pennetta in Indian Wells: "I'm only 20 years old. Who cares? Flavia is like 32 and she's still doing well. If I'm going to play for that long, I have a long ways to go."