Wednesday, June 8, 2016

ITF adds Sugarpova to list of banned substances

The International Tennis Federation, in conjunction with the World Anti-Doping Agency, announced today that Sugarpova has been added to its list of banned substances, effective June 9, 2016. The ITF acknowledged that several professional tennis players have been consuming the substance for a few years now, but warned players that they will heretofore be tested for it, and if they are found positive, they will face suspension from the WTA and ATP.

Sugarpova is a fairly new substance, having been introduced in 2012 by a candy company owned by professional tennis player Maria Sharapova. However, its prototype, gummy candy, has been popular for a very long time. Generally consumed as “bears” or “worms,” gummy candy contains a high concentration of various forms of sugar.

Sugarpova, specifically, contains sucrose, corn syrup and dextrose, all of which, the ITF claims, can provide athletes a big jolt of energy that can enhance their performance on court.

Asked about the legality of using other candies such as Haribo Gold-Bears, Sunkist Fruit Gems or Swedish Fish, ITF spokespeople repeated a statement from WADA that research was ongoing and that players should check their email accounts constantly because--at any moment--they might have to be tested for consuming Albanese Worms or Gummy Killer Sharks.

Not surprisingly, there have been questions about why a particular gummy candy, Sugarpova, has been placed on the banned list while hundreds of others are still considered legal substances. WADA's response was that an unusually large number of Russian and other eastern European athletes were consuming Flirty, Sporty and Quirky, and that this consumption had "aroused suspicion."

Sharapova, who is currently involved in a legal battle with the ITF, refused to comment when asked about the decision to place Sugarpova on the list of banned substances. However, when told that a French tennis player had recently described her as "a cheater," the five-time major champion became philosophical and implied that those words could soon be regretted.

"Surely," Sharapova said, "you don't believe that Kiki "Macaron Breath" Mladenovic hasn't consumed sucrose. I assure you she has.

"However," the Russian star added as she made her exit, "it certainly didn't enhance her performance."


Todd.Spiker said...

Perfection! :)

(Although you left out the detail about how if players consumed Sugarpova before the banned date, but didn't make a habit of telling everyone about it, it'll be looked upon later as evidence serving to "prove" that you were trying hide said consumption of Sugarpova -- even if the player in question had a habit of leaving a trail of Sugarpova treats behind them on multiple occasions throughout the year, which was never an issue until, you know, it was the apparently the worst thing, like, ever.) ;)

Diane said...

Too much writing--it boggles the mind!

jwr said...

Fierce as the competition is, I've long contended that tennis is the worst run sport in the world, hands down. But the way this was handled is farcical and mind-boggling even by previously existing standards. Thanks for providing a moment of sanity. I was starting to think maybe I was crazy!

nondisposable johnny

Diane said...

Thanks for stopping by, johnny. Glad to be of help in crazy times!

Jeff said...

Embarrassing. Yet another Sharadopa fan, it seems, showing a lack of understanding of PEDs/doping.

Vee Henry said...

Jeff, I totally agree. If all of Sharadopa fans read the detailed ITF report, they would see that all of the information was provided by their sweet angelic darling. And, if this was any other player that ingested all of these pills over a 10 year period and hid it--not even try to get a TUE (exemption), didn't even reveal it to her coach, trainer or anyone on her team--they would be calling for an immediate suspension. READ the report that Dopie provided the answers without your rose-colored glasses and see how she was lucky to get only a 2-year ban. Or maybe you prefer not to read a 33-page document like your sweet darling claimed that she missed reading a small email. Indeed, sad!!!

Diane said...

FWIW, I'm not a particular "fan" of Sharapova's (in the way you mean), and have read the entire report.