With apologies to E. H. Harburg

I could have some bigger moments, destroyin' my opponents
And breakin' down their nerve
And my game I'd be improvin' while I do my expert movin'
If I only had a serve

I'd unravel every Russian, their returns I would be crushin'
With my cleverness and verve
With the points that I'd be winnin', I'd beat all those screamin' women
If I only had a serve

Oh, I could show you why I'm headed to the top
I could hit it flat or kick it with a pop
And then I'd spin it like a top

I would not be just in semis or competing for the Emmys
I'd be way beyond the curve
I would hit a lot of aces and put smiles on my fans' faces
If I only had a serve